Weekly Wars,

Marshall Jhon Mebble, reporting live on scene of the recent out brake.
Stunning event have lead up to the full exercise of atrocious deeds.  A dumpster diving dog by the name of Grifflebark, was caught filling a cat's home with hairballs.  More stunning events have occurred, only many of these were cat incidents.  Early this morning officials say the police caught a sneaky cat with over TWENTY pounds of raw meat.  He was heading for the dog headquarters of Big Bark.  But the police are on the cats side, so, naturally, they let the cat go free of charge.  Another sabotaging plot was done yesterday afternoon.  A kitten was found in a trashcan, wrestling with a pup.  The little dog was pinned before a larger dog came to the rescue, knocking over the trashcan when he heard scuffling from inside.

Now, at exactly 2:00 PM outside King Plumpcat's royal palace, large hordes of dogs are seen barking, growling, and nipping around the palace.  A group of military police cats were trying to force the rowdy dogs back, but to no avail.  A Tinderflyer was caught smuggling food supplies into the palace not more than twenty minutes ago.  The food contained, Raspberry Chocolate Caramel Cake, Blueberry Pie, and the list continues to infinity, meanwhile, the dogs have been having to live on bee intestines, and fly brains.  That, is why the final string was cut.  Just five minutes ago, Berndote, another Australian Cattle Dog, raised the dog's flag, the flag of rebellion!

Immediately both sides began to make a chorus worse than you can imagine as they howled, barked, growled, meowed, and yelped at each other as rotten cabbage heads flew down among both sides, it is a stinky mess.

Two Hours later.

The fighting is now over.  Fat Cat Square, as the open courtyard space outside Plumpcat's palace is called, is littered with thousands of rotten cabbage, tomatoes, and other vegetables.  A peace was signed fifteen minutes ago, leaving the cat regime intact. But the dog Berndote wants revenge, and, what he called "his lost kingdom" for his own.  Dmails have once more commenced in massive swarms.  Something is amiss.

Marshall Jhon Mebble, advising you to keep you glasses on, your head low, and a large supply of rotting cabbage.
 
 
A week has passed since I left you on those pins and needles, sorry about that, those cats sabotaged my recording office with loads of stinking, rotting, cabbage, not fun.  It took me the entire week to get the place cleaned, aired, and reorganized.  But now the news is back, I am in a terrible state, please forgive my looks as I go out to the hottest point of protesting in the city.

Ten minutes later.


Here I am, at the largest spot of protesting.  It seems a few poodles have painted themselves blue, what a sensible way to protest the cat regime, for cats hate blue.  Also, news has just come in that King Everden has resigned and handed over the government to the cats.  Things are really starting to heat up.  Dmails have nearly doubled in the past few days, black mail is yet again, among them.  A young cat food administrator was threatened to surrender all the cat food in that  district or else dogs would take it with force.  The cats agreed, but secretly they have begun to smuggle some dog food away from the dogs main kennels.  Cats all around the country are rallying to hopefully stop the dogs in their attempt to overthrow the new king, King Plumpcat.  Plumpcat claims that he was not involved in rallying the cats, but that is what HE says.

I'll keep you posted, but as of yet, I am sure that the cats are continuing to sabatoge your house if you are a dog lover, please note what kind of sabatoge it is, rotten cabbage heads, molding apples, overturned trashcans, rotten cabbage heads, pins scattered all over the floor, general destruction, or rotten cabbage heads.
 
 
Powerful, magnificent, bold, and bloodthirsty, you are my lord.

I am Merdoth, the other captains say I am a worthless captain.  Please not believe the sniveling, meekly, persons, they are WRONG!  Kalis the Careless, Rilivan the wrong, and Pengor the pitiful, are all far below my rank of expertise.  They call me a magician, I am NOT!  They say the I am kind to the captives!  ME!  HAHAHA! kind to my captives, please, do not believe these lies, I am fully mature enough to assume the rank of Commander.  I will also let you know, that although I am sure, whatever decision you make of who is the next commander will be right, it should be me.  Me without question.  As you  may have heard I have just won a battle.  I am so happy!   And before I sign and seal this letter, I must say, you need to promote me, for I am the best.

Merdoth
 
 
Just this evening, at 5: 59 something amazing has happened.  A world record has been broken!  There are now SIX comments on the incredibly famous website called, rahthacker.weebly.com.  In fact, what a minute, this is rahthacker.weebly.com.

Hours later.

Sorry, incoming news has reported, that sadly, six comments is not a world record.


Marshall Jhon Mebbl, weeping like never before.
 
 
The Weekly Wars post has a wide variety of trustful sources, so please believe everything you read.

King Everden has resigned due to the constant Grimm protests outside his palace.  They seemed to be almost on the brink of battle.  A unsuspecting Grimm citizen was secretly interviewed, he said.  "Oi thenk Everden 'as been playin' two much with 'is dogs.  That be why I'm protestin' Everden pays more 'tention to 'is little doggies than his people."
       Although the Grimm was very good at pronouncing words, he was wrong on one thing.  Everden, at least used to pay more attention to his cats rather than his dogs.  Very crucial difference.  This may be why the protesters have now robbed the countries largest pound, a pound meant for cats, for once Everden became king, dogs were outlawed and any Grimm, Buffle, Tinderflyer, or Flender, caught saying "dogs" was supposed to be imprisoned for life, but once the City Guards disobeyed and threatened to impeach Everden, he did not follow through with the law.
       Maybe Everden's hate for dogs is why a Australian Cattle Dog is leading the protesting party, dogs throughout the world are sending Dmails (dog mails) randomly to any person they know.  Black mail was also sent around for a few weeks, though now the black mail was stopped once an especially threatening Dmail was sent to a cat, the dog was caught, his letter read.  "Cat, I personally will steal all your cat food for a month!  And if you dare come out of your house I'll string you up by your paws!  I think it is justly done, oh, and I will eat your cat food in front of you while your tide up! HAHAHAHAH!"
       There is nothing more insulting to a cat of noble birth than have his (or her) food actually eaten by a dog.  There may be a war between the cats and dogs soon.  Thus I leave you here, I'm sure on pins and needles, because a group of cats just sabotaged your house if you are a dog lover.

Marshall Jhon Mebbl, hoping dearly I didn't misspell Jhon again.
 
 
Lord,

I have already heard of the false accusations the other captains have burdened me with.  But I say, no.  I am Captain Rilivan, yes, I may be younger than the others, but that does not mean I lack knowledge, and I lead my soldiers effectively.  As you know, Pengor the Penny-less has accused me of failing at taking the Dinesian Dynasty, it is all a trick, my usurping plans are going along very well.
       My views of the current situation is good, although Commander Delfis the Deaf was killed, and thus why you are promoting a captain, I see only one thing you should change in the military policy, not to kill so many captives.  The United States Of Letvar  is still a young and rather small country.  If, you let a few peasants escape that will lead the Letvarin to a greater degree of infamy.

Captain Rilivan Wraithlord the Ruthless
 
 
My lord,

I, Pengor the Persecutor, am for sure the best of all captains to be promoted.  Kalis the Careless says that I am to old.  Let it be known to you, my lord, that I am not to old for leadership, just aged in wisdom more than the others.
       Rilivan, Merdoth, and Kalis are all far to young, they have not the knowledge of warfare.  They kill mercilessly and squabble, like children over little pie.  I highly suggest you promote me as your faithful, trustworthy, servant.  As you may know already, my recent campaign in The Balasloch Union has come to a successful end, the Balasloch have surrendered unconditionally.  I also may point out that the inexperienced Rilivan, has failed in his attempt to overthrow the Dinesian Dynasty.
       I agree with Kalis in one point, Merdoth is a dark figure.  Do not trust him, I think you should even demote him to a sub-captain, maybe even send him out into the Deep Sea, their he can be a Seafaring Captain, and meet his rightful end at the hands of a sea monster he called up himself.

Pengor, the Persecutor.
 
 
My lord,

I have received information that you will soon be promoting a captain to the rank of commander, I assure you, whatever decision you make will surely be the best, although I hope you will take some of my advice.  Captain Rilivan, he is the youngest of all the captains, I suggest that he not be promoted, he is young and inexperienced, I doubt he could handle much more than captaincy.
       Pengor, he is quite the opposite, he is far too old.  He being nearly forty is near the state of death, his mind could go at any time and, although he has experience unlike Rilivan, he is so old I do not believe he could lead his men in the forefront of the battle . . . unlike me.
       Merdoth, he is too unpredictable, he is closely associated with the magical arts.  His black "wisdom" only leads him on to do one thing, rule.  If you promote him, he will surely use some dark art on you, me and all other trustful Letvarins.  The United States of Letvar cannot have such a corrupted mind in a position of power.

Kalis The Killer
 
 
Four power hungry commanders send letters to their master, hoping that each could persuade their lord to promote them a step further.  The commanders are:  Rilivan, Pengor, Merdoth, and Kalis.  As they fight for power in literary form, the lord, must decide who is the best commander to be promoted by the first of December.  Let the literary war begin!
 
 
Incoming news has reported that a major breakdown in the local "Waste and Water" plantation has been flooded.  Unknown sources speculate that the waste, held high up in a large bottle much like we would see of water towers in cities, was hit by an incoming meteorite last night, for all across the country shooting stars (as some humans call them) and "dragon lit afire" as a normal Grimm should call them.  What? You don't know what a Grimm is?  HAHAHAHA!! that's the silliest joke I- wait, you serious?  Well, you are human so I guess it is expected that you don't know about Grimms, and for that matter you probably were never taught what a Glaid Farey was either.  Nor Pigbelly Possums, Flying chipmunks, talking animals, dragons, well maybe dragons, them vikings leaked on a lot of things we Grimms were trying to hide, and all of you should know, by now at least because of the Norse again, that there once was a Norse king who- well never mind, it sounds better in poem.
MIGHTY KING OF THE NORSE.
In legends old,
it was told,
that a king of the Norse 
fell off his horse.
That he would forever, remorse.